I knew the day would eventually have to come but I knew I would never be ready for it. I was forever regretting the day that I would have to put Finn in to day care to return to work and I kept putting it off. I had been so lucky to have a year off with him while working very casually some evenings to help out with the bills. I remember saying to myself before I had Finn that I would be back to work at 6 months postpartum. No way! I could not imagine leaving him then and nor could I when he turned one. But reality set in and I knew we needed to start saving for more of a house deposit if we aimed to buy one next year.
Not just that, bills were starting to pile in and as a relatively young couple new to Australia, we were still getting a grasp of ourselves financially. Although we had never really struggled while I was at home it was time to focus on our future.
As a journalist, research is a huge part of my every day life. When thinking of a day care for my son, I wanted something privately owned with not too many children to carer ratio. While looking in to it, one of the lovely ladies in our mum’s group mentioned a local day care that she had put her daughter in to and then another mum said she had also enrolled her son! They both raved about it and it ticked all the boxes plus Finn would be with his little friends.
I took him in to have a look and he sat down and played with the children while I watched from a distance. He was so happy and as such a social little man I knew he would be fine. However, that did not help me and I cried all the way home thinking about a full day without my baby. Those two weeks leading up to work were extremely emotional and at least five times I questioned if I was doing the right thing.
When the day finally came, I packed his little day care bag with his bottles and clothes and dropped him off with a big kiss and cuddle. As I told the ladies about his routine I cried more tears and they told me I could ring to check on him, which I did.
Now three weeks in to it, the days are starting to get easier. I’ll admit the first two weeks at work I was highly strung and cried several times. That was partially because I wasn’t enjoying my job and I felt like “why am I working here when I could be with my baby??”
However, now I have a great job close to home and I know I am doing the right thing for our family and our future. After growing up in an environment where we did not have money and my mum always struggled (she did her best for us kids), I never want to have that for my children. I want them to have all they need and more, and yes I may even spoil them but mostly with love.
Every day Finn is in day care which is three days a week, I am so excited to pick him up that I race inside and squeal with excitement as I run towards him. He starts flapping his little legs and arms with excitement to see his mama and we are reunited. He is always happy when I arrive to get him and he already has a favourite lady! They provide him so much more stimulation than I could ever give him at home and the time we have together is even more special now.
So for all those mamas who are having or will have to return to work soon. It will be hard! You will most likely cry and question yourself. But the first two weeks are the hardest. Once you’re past that you will feel better about your decision and although they may cry when you drop them off (my son has been lately) you will know that as soon as you are out the door they will be happy again! Always remind yourself of the reasons you are doing this and you will get through. Good luck!
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