Five years ago, I lost a part of my brain.
It’s not serious. At least, I don’t think it is. But I feel like I have to share it with all of you.
You’re probably thinking right now “geez Sarah, what happened?”
I’ll tell you what happened. What happened was mum brain (or baby brain as other’s refer too except that it lasts all of motherhood).
Some people laugh away mum brain thinking it isn’t a real thing. Well let me tell you, it is.
When I gave birth to Finn almost 5 years ago, it was the most life-changing experience I had ever been through. The love I had for him (and now Leo) was indescribable. I had prepped and planned as much as I possibly could for having a new baby but I had no idea about the brain fog that would come with being a mum.
Now after having two kids, I feel like I need to write a little something to my friends and family to let them know I am still here, I still care, I still think about them and love them but my brain is just a little frazzled because it is constantly focused on those kids.
Those times you send me a message on Facebook or even a text, I do read it. Sometimes it’s not straight away, sometimes it can even take me a day or two but I do read it. I then go to respond to you but then Leo will need my attention or Finn will be yelling “muuuuum, come play with me”. I wanted to respond to you but I forgot. Until possibly days later where I though “oh shit, I forgot to respond” and you’ll get a reply from me when you have probably even forgotten the topic of conversation. I am sorry it took me so long to respond but I do care. Those babies are distracting.
Often I will reminisce on our time together or I will remember something funny that I need to share with you, but then the kids need me and I leave it. Sometimes I will get the chance to send you a message and then you respond and I forget too respond back. Sometimes we might even be in the middle of a conversation (usually when the kids are asleep) and we will be having a great catch up but suddenly my messages might just stop abruptly. At that time, you should know the kids have got me again.
Sometimes we will organise to catch up and I might have to postpone it several times because the kids are unwell or having a bad day. I am not brushing you off so please don’t think that because if I didn’t care for you I would never make plans in the first place. Your role as a parent is so unpredictable that I can’t always guarantee I can make an event.
Most of the time when we organise something I will always be late. This is no disrespect to you either but I have begun to accept that as a mum of two, I just can’t seem to run on time. I have always been an organised person and being late used to make me really anxious but now I think people just expect it. Whether it’s Leo peeing through all his clothes as we are on our way out the door or Finn yelling at me that he needs to do a poo (even though I asked him 10 minutes ago if he needed to go), something is always bound to hold me up.
Then there’s the forgetfulness. The other day I walked in to Leo’s room with a goal of getting something and by the time I reached his room (in like 30 seconds) I had forgotten what I went in there for. That’s normal. It happens to me all of the time. I am not usually a forgetful person and my long-term memory is pretty awesome but short-term is shocking. I can forget what I was meant to be doing at the drop of a hat and although I usually recover the memory, it takes time. Why does this happen? because my brain is constantly thinking ahead about what I need to get achieved during the day, what I need for the kids and it just gets overloaded. I would like to say that I’m not as switched on as I used to be but I feel like as a parent you become too switched on that you kind of explode!
I can’t see it getting any better because with the responsibility of children, my brain is constantly focused on them and their safety. However, I want you to know that I love you all. I am still the same person I was once before. I’m still freaking hilarious ;), loyal and stubborn but my brain just works a little differently these days. If you need me urgently or even just want to chat, please always pick up the phone and call me as I will always answer because that is instant. If I don’t respond to a message immediately or I take days to get back to you, I am super sorry in advance as I have probably just forgotten! Heck, I even forgot my best friend one day at the airport when she came over for my hen’s!! OK, that’s the worst it has ever gotten and I was on maternity leave with a little baby and very little sleep so I got the days mixed up. That’s as good of an excuse I can give!
Just know, I will always make time for those I love even though most of the time it might mean I drag two little boys along with me.
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