When I was rocking Leo to sleep for the hundredth time yesterday I felt my anxiety levels heighten as I thought of all the cleaning I still had to do, the pile of laundry waiting to be folded, the dirty kitchen floors that needed to be mopped, dinner that I needed to prep and finishing icing a cake I had made for work.
I could feel myself starting to lose the fight. I was exhausted, stressed and mad that I hadn’t been able to do anything and I was taking it out on the kids. Leo just wanted to be held all day and I was struggling with that mentally because I couldn’t finish my “to do” list. I always have one. As far as I can remember I’ve always had one. I’m a personal goal setter. It’s who I am and I don’t know how to change it. I like to have a list of things I need to achieve in a day but if I don’t I get very anxious/stressed and feel like I have failed. Why am I like this? I have no idea. But the expectations I set upon myself are borderline impossible and if it were someone else trying to achieve all those things I would be the first to tell them to “slow down” and “take it easy on themselves” but do I take my own advice? no. Truth is, I don’t know how. Because I share my journey through motherhood I share the struggles I go through and always I get supportive comments telling me I’m doing fine and I need to forget about the cleaning and not put so much pressure on myself and I agree with them! I truly agree! but I don’t know how to not care about those things because I don’t know how to give up my to do list but slowly I am learning how to reduce it and I have a few tips to help others with the same problem.
Being back at work full time means I have very little time to achieve what I used to be able to so I’ve had to reduce my weekly goals significantly to relieve stress but there’s still more to learn. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to get everything done? When God created women, I think he took an image of Superwoman but without all her energy, superpowers and time. I mean we are pretty bloody awesome but we can’t do it all and if you think you see someone looking like they are doing it all and you feel guilty. STOP! Because they will be struggling in areas as well. But seriously, I don’t want me kids to remember me as someone who “cleaned all the time” and never played with them because that would just break my heart. But equally I don’t want to leave my house in turmoil as they also adds to stress.
So back to today when I was rocking Leo for the hundredth time and to the point where I felt like I was going to lose it, I decided to let go. I cried. I cried because I was stressed, I cried because he wouldn’t go to sleep and I cried because I had been mad at him for being so needy and I felt bad. Then I felt better. I gave up on what I had to do instead leaving it until Chance would get home when I would have another pair of hands to help me. I know not everyone has another pair of hands to help out in the evening and that would be even harder so hopefully some of these tips will help you out ❤
Please share any tips of your own for reducing that to do list and making our life as parents that little bit easier.
1. Clean a little bit each day
Every night as I rush home to get the kids fed and ready for bed I make sure I also chuck a load of washing on to avoid it piling up and becoming unmanageable. It’s only one little job but it definitely helps when it comes to the weekend and I have the other cleaning to do. Also, as long as my kitchen is clean after dinner, then I can function properly. This also emans that your job on the weekend to do the vacuuming etc isn’t so huge and doesn’t take up precious time with your kids.
We also invested in a clothes dryer recently and although it can be costly (can you put a price on reducing stress?!) it has been so helpful during the winter at getting clothes dry and keeping on top of the washing.
As much as people tell me that a clean house doesn’t matter it’s one thing I can’t let go of because I can’t function in mess so I am not going to tell you to just ignore it! My house is never spotless but as long as the kitchen is tidy, the washing is done and the floors are clean I’m happy. My showers on the other hand…
2. Look at getting a cleaner in.
As per above, my showers have not been cleaned in an embarrassingly long time and I just can’t bring myself to do it on the weekends when I want my time with the kids. Also, my windows are dirty and there’s probably a lot of dusting that needs to be done.
A cleaner is obviously something you have to fit in to a budget and we haven’t done it so far but even if you can afford two hours a fortnight JUST to do the dirty week you can’t get too like showers, windows and toilets then it can make the world of difference. I did it a few years back for a little bit and I actually felt so amazing coming home to a house that had been cleaned. That in itself was worth every penny. Make sure you specify what you want them to clean so that their time is spent on the stuff you find hard to do and do your research on cleaners in the area as you can often find some for $25 an hour and that’s $50 a fortnight towards your sanity!
3. Order groceries online
I got on to this a long time ago and as a working mum it’s pretty vital. I would constantly find myself at the supermarket after work dragging tired kids around and stressing about what to make for dinner last minute and as a result by the time we cooked dinner it was so late and bed time was rushed. Even doing a weekly grocery shop takes at least an hour out of your day and if you have to take the kids then it’s a nightmare because they want to pick everything off the shelves (we have all been there!), plus you end up spending more than you budget for or you forget something you really needed. Shopping online means you save time, you can do it in your own time (when the kids are asleep!) and you can get everything you need! You can also amend it up until 12 hours before usually if you forget something. We order from Coles online and pick the $4 delivery time slots, which is super cheap and well worth it for the stress relief. Get on to it! First orders over $100, delivery is free! xx
4. Meal Prep
This took us a long time to catch on and what a difference it makes! Chance and I blocked out a Sunday to make four meals to get us through the working week and we focused on meals that you could make in bigger portions. We made things like Shepherds pie, chicken pasta and curry in the slow cooker. I can’t tell you how much stress it took off me to come home and already have dinner ready to go. The only thing I don’t like about it, is using the microwave so what you can do is make the shepherd pies ready to go and then when you get home you just chuck it in the oven to brown up. You can do the same with things like spaghetti bolognese and prepare all the meat sauce and then just heat the pasta when you get home and mix it together to make it warm. This way you can have prepped meals 4 days of the week and then one day you can have something you really love like burgers or pizza because you won’t feel so exhausted from cooking all week. Truly can’t recommend this enough and it also saves you money as well as time!
5. Say NO!
One of my biggest downfalls is saying yes to everything whether it be attending a social event, baking a cake or doing something to help someone out (and I love to help people) but I need to watch how much I take on now, especially being back at work. I also need to realise it affects time with my kids so if it’s a social event, make sure you limit it to once a week or even fortnight but also ensure you are getting that ME time on your own once a month. It’s super hard when you work because you want to catch up with ALL your close of friends but you’re just going to have to space them out over the month. You can’t try and see everyone in one weekend because it will exhaust you and your children so use one day of the weekend to catch up with one friend and the kids and then arrange to catch up with another friend the following weekend. Better yet, if you have the same group of friends, arrange to all meet up together!
6. Set yourself an achievable goal for your day
Following on from above, if you work during the week and you have things you need to get done, then set yourself a list that is achievable and keep it small. Two or three things in one day is enough. Don’t try and get a hundred things done otherwise you are going to end up an emotional wreck.
For example.
Saturday:
Do all loads of washing.
Do meal prep
Play with kids
Sunday:
Do Vacumming & mop
Bake a cake (while kids are napping) or what other hobby you might have
Meet for a coffee with friends and kids (that way they are getting in some playtime as well).
Also, if you have 5 different hobbies like I do then decide what is most important and focus on those. When you have more time to devote to all of them, do it. But if you’re working then you are going to have to sacrifice some of them and stick to one or two. For myself, my blog is obviously super important but I make sure not to pressure myself to post all the time but when I can and when the kids are sleeping and I also love to bake so I will bake something maybe once a fortnight or a month instead of pressuring myself to do it every week. That way I also enjoy it more.
7. Keep a diary
I am sure I don’t need to tell you how busy life is with kids, or even without for that matter. Today’s society places a lot of pressure on us to achieve so much in so little time and keeping a diary and being organised is key to reducing stress but also so you don’t forget important events. I have a small diary that I can fit in my bag and I will fill it with the weekly events, as well as birthdays so I don’t forget. You can also keep alerts in your phone calendar so it pops up with notifications of upcoming events if you find it hard to keep on track with a diary.
I truly hope some of these can help you as they have helped me adjust to life as a full-time working mum! Whether working or staying at home, life is bloody full on and anything to reduce the amount of stress in our day-to-day lives and make more time for our kids is invaluable. I don’t want to be remembered by my kids as someone who never had time for them. Please share your ideas as I would love to hear them and share with others to support everyone struggling with the daily grind!
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