I didn’t know what a mothers’ group was before having Finn. I guess like most things to do with kids, you don’t find out until you have them!
After moving to a new country at just four months pregnant (I know I’m crazy but we made the decision before finding out) I was going through a lot of life-changing experiences and emotions and I was moving away from all of my friends. Luckily, I had my family over here in Australia so my sister and I were basically attached at the hip but when I looked forward to when Finn would be born, I worried about whether I would be lonely despite being a pretty independent person.
Even though I have so many amazing friends in my life and always have had, I didn’t really know anyone with babies at the time and I wasn’t sure how to meet new mums at all! I mean, did I post an advert on Gumtree looking for other mums in my situation? (it’s a bit like jumping on Tinder, right??) I had no idea what to do and the thought of meeting up with strangers who I might not even connect with me put me off totally.
Through my maternity care here in Australia we were offered the choice to join a mothers’ group after our babies were born. Again, I was a little apprehensive because I thought it might be a waste of time and who has spare time with a newborn? So, I actually just forgot about it for a few months.
It wasn’t until Finn was about three months old at a check up with the health nurse when she reminded me of the group. By this time I had been spending a lot of time at home with Finn and I was pretty exhausted and suffering from a bit of anxiety. I thought it would be a good idea for me to get out of the house and do something social for myself as well as Finn.
We started when he was four months old and he was the oldest one there by a month. The classes start off as group sessions at your local maternal and child health centre where you discuss different parts of becoming a new mum like sleeping and feeding, and they ran once per week over about six weeks.
When I first walked in to this circle of new mums it was a little overwhelming. I think at the start there would have been about ten of us and not knowing anyone does make it harder but you know you’re all in the same boat. I think the group sessions are a great way to start off as they allow you to introduce yourself and tell your stories with some guidance from the health nurse who is kind of like the ice breaker. The added bonus is that the mothers’ groups are held in the area you live in so everyone lives relatively close to each other. Our health nurse was pretty hilarious and had a slight hearing problem. I remember asking her a question and calling her name probably four or five times and everyone just laughing as we waited for her response. She was a lovely lady though.
As the sessions go on you start to connect more and share stories with each other and it’s so wonderful to have others going through what you are as well. It’s a place where you can blurt out that you forgot to brush your hair that morning or you stayed up all night rocking your baby back to sleep. It’s a place where you can ask questions and share your worries. You’ll find you can also learn a lot from mothers’ groups as everyone has had successes and failures and what worked for them might work for you as well! Most importantly, it’s a place where you don’t have to feel judged because you’re all doing the best you can and you are all totally new to this wonderful yet challenging journey.
It’s inevitable you’re not going to connect with everyone there but you definitely start to develop friendships with those who have similar personalities. I think each week, our group dwindled until we were left with seven of us. Once the sessions ended with the health nurse we were left to our own devices and we started up weekly/fortnightly meet ups to catch up and let the kids have a play (we mostly drank coffee as they rolled around on the ground). We attended all the kiddies first birthdays and four of them (including Finn) even attended the same day care which was a blessing as it meant they got to stay close and grow up together.
Four years on and although we no longer have our meet-ups, I am still very close to two of the mums from this group and will always have that relationship. Both their kiddies, Toby & Meadow are Finn’s best friends and I see them on a regular basis. Watching the kids grow up together has been amazing but also having their mums to go through life with has been absolutely invaluable. I also catch up with another one of the mums at the kids birthday parties and she is an absolute sweetheart but as many of the mums went on to have more babies much quicker than I did, it became hard to catch up.
I meet up for regular coffees with Maria (Meadow’s mum), and we have already been through so much in life together. I feel so blessed to have met her and to have had her by my side through this incredibly journey of parenting and the highs and lows that go with it. She is also coming to my wedding and her daughter Meadow is going to be flower girl with Finn. So cute!
I would definitely recommend all pregnant mummas at least give mother’s group a try. I am not saying you will connect with everyone but I can almost guarantee you will find at least one other mum you can share your journey with (I am incredibly lucky to have found at least two). Someone who will understand your triumphs and failures (because we all have them!) and give you the comfort of knowing you’re not alone. You will also get to watch your children grow up together and develop the most beautiful of friendships that will hopefully stick until they start thinking the others have cooties 😉 and if you continue to live in the same area you might be as lucky as us to have them go to day care together too!
You can find out about your local mothers’ group through your local Maternal and Child Health Service centres. Check out this website for more info.
http://www.education.vic.gov.au/childhood/parents/mch/Pages/default.aspx
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