I wasn’t sure about if I should share my birth story because for me it was pretty traumatic and the last thing I intend to do is scare new mums-to-be about what is really an amazing and empowering experience.
I have always loved reading other birth stories and no matter how different they can be, the one thing we all have in common is the absolute joy of meeting our babies. As I wrote this, it took me back to the moment I went through it all and met my little man and I felt an overwhelming sense of achievement no matter how hard it was.
After having cholestasis with my first pregnancy (pregnancy related liver condition) there was about a 70-80% chance that I would get it back this time. It usually hits in the last trimester and the symptoms are extreme itchiness. It’s awful.
It also requires constant monitoring and an induction around 37-38 weeks to ensure baby arrives safely. I’ll be posting something on cholestasis later on.
I was praying that it wouldn’t return this time but at the same time preparing myself for it come and that I could be induced at 37weeks again like I was with Finn. I longed to spend my labour in a birthing pool but if I was to be induced again I wouldn’t get that opportunity because of the CTG monitoring.
I got to almost 36 weeks with no signs of cholestasis and was thanking my lucky stars before all of a sudden a night of itching saw me in the doctor getting my levels tested. They had jumped up almost overnight and all of a sudden we were planning my induction for the following week. That is how quickly it can come on.
Admittedly, even though I was preparing for the chance of induction I was still in shock. I had made it so far and got my hopes up that it wasn’t returning and so I was a bit shattered, however I was grateful I had got so far without the itching as it hit me earlier with Finn (32 weeks) and was horrific.
I started preparing for my induction the following Wednesday and I couldn’t help but feel extremely nervous. Everyone kept telling me “oh you’ve done it all before, you know what you’re doing” but I found that worse. The fear of the unknown can be much easier than what you know and especially in the case of induction but that baby needed to come out one way or another!
Chance and I arrived at the hospital at 7am on the Wednesday morning, November 16th. I was examined and was 1cm dilated so they decided to put only 1mg of the gel in to start the induction process. However, after a few hours of waiting, walking and jumping up and down nothing had happened. With my previous induction I remembered my contractions starting straight away so things were definitely much slower this time due to the lower dose of gel.
It wasn’t until 1pm that I finally started getting contractions. At this stage Finn had come to hang out with me before the birth and have lots of cuddles. I loved having him near me as we waited to meet his little brother.
Although contractions started everything was moving pretty slowly. They were occurring every two minutes but were manageable and the pain was staying at the same level. At about 4pm I was re-examined and was still only 2-3cm dilated. They could not put any more gel in because I was already contracting so frequently that if they did add gel the contractions would be non-stop, without any breather, and could cause distress in the baby. I understood that the only other option was to wait until I was dilated enough to be able to break my waters.
By 5pm they decided to move me down to birthing to get the ball rolling faster. Finn and I said our goodbyes and I was pretty gutted that he wasn’t going to be there when his brother was first born but he needed to get home and have a decent sleep after a long day at hospital (and for a four-year-old he did amazingly to last as long as he did).
In birthing I met up with my midwife Erin who I had been seeing for the last weeks of my pregnancy and who had swapped her shift just to be there for my labour. I was so glad to see her face and she was keen to get things moving. At about 6.15pm she managed to break my waters despite being just 3cm dilated. It’s such a weird feeling when your waters are broken and it just flushes out of you. It keeps coming as well and I was awkwardly like um..I am still wetting myself over here. She told me it was totally normal. I was expecting things to get a bit crazy when my waters broke because they did with Finn, but again nothing really happened. I was then put on the hormone drip to intensify my contractions. This was at 7pm and soon after, well let’s just say things got intense.
The thing with induction is that your body does not release it’s own natural oxytocin (pain relief) so you’re basically being pumped with synthetic oxytocin to bring on contractions. I went from handling my contractions at a pain level of 5/10 to them going to 10/10 in 15-30 minutes. I had not yet taken anything for pain relief so when I was offered gas, I immediately took it to help with the contractions and my god were they full on. I was barely catching a break between them and my sister and partner were holding on to my hands and trying to help me breathe through them because I was starting to lose control.
As the contractions continued to worsen, I really started to lose faith in myself. I started saying that I couldn’t do it anymore and I was bloody exhausted. The pain was so excruciating and the contractions were coming every 30 seconds so I would start a conversation with my midwife but have to stop to breathe (and scream) through them.
At about 9pm, Erin had to say her goodbyes as her shift was over and she wasn’t able to stay with me. I was gutted she was leaving but the midwife taking over was on her last shift before retiring and our baby was going to be her last delivery after 20-odd years which was lovely. Her name was Gabby and Erin assured me I was in good hands, which I was.
Gabby was really informative and a little bit bossy which is what I needed as I started to lose control. I don’t know what time it was but when she went to do another internal she said I was only 7cm dilated and at that stage I was going to lose my mind?! surely I was fully dilated by now because I had been through so many intense contractions and I wasn’t sure how I could keep it up.
As soon as she told me this, I started to feel the pushing. Gabby told me that I was not allowed to push and this was probably the worst part for me as I wasn’t sure what to do. Baby was pushing his way out but I had to tell my body to hold him in. Gabby explained that the reason I was not allowed to push was because I could damage my cervix and so I desperately tried to focus on holding him in through every contraction. By this time, I was screaming and had dropped a few F bombs (and then apologising for dropping them my sister later told me! haha, always using my manners!). Chance and my sister were holding on to me tight and offering me support.
At one point Chance told me he would change all the dirty nappies to which I told him to “shut up”. haha. I would never normally say that so it shows I was struggling. At this stage I looked at my sister who was crying and I could see how much she was struggling seeing me in so much pain.
Going from 7cm dilated to 10cm happened extremely quickly and I was finally allowed to push. Because I was screaming a lot I was using all my energy on that and not focusing on pushing so . Chance put a towel in my mouth which actually helped a lot and I managed to bite down on that and regain control of the situation. With every contraction I tried my hardest to push but it felt like forever. It’s so hard to explain the feeling.
I didn’t want any intervention so I was adamant I was getting him out. Gabby told me his heart rate was starting to drop so I gave my next push everything I had until his head surfaced and on the next contraction he was out. Leo Ian Morris was born at 10.22pm.
He was placed on to my chest straight away and I can’t explain the feeling of seeing your baby for the first time and knowing they’re OK. I bawled my eyes out as I held him close.
He was still covered in vernix (the white stuff) because he was early but he was perfect and his Apgar score was 8 and then 9. He was able to stay on my chest for ages and we managed to get a feed in which he took to straight away.
During that time, Chance cut his cord and my placenta was taken away and what a scary looking thing it is! I was inspected for any tears but luckily had nothing apart from a graze or two.
After lots of cuddles we had him weighed and measured. He was 3.22kg ( bigger than Finn who was 2.9kg) and 51cm. He also had a giant head (38cm) so no wonder it was so bloody hard to get out! haha.
Little did I know that Finn and mum were on their way to the hospital with my brother because they couldn’t wait to meet him.
I was so exhausted at this stage but I couldn’t wait for Finn to meet him and the minute he came running in to the room with the biggest smile on his face, I cried again. I couldn’t believe I had these two beautiful boys and they were all mine. How did I get so lucky?!
Overall, although this labour started out much the same as Finn’s, in the end it was totally different. I think because I went totally drug free that I knew what was going on the whole time and that probably made it harder. I probably said at least 3 times during it that I would not be doing it again! haha. However, I am really proud of myself for following the drug-free and no intervention path that I wanted to go down. I wanted to have this baby as naturally as possible despite not being able to go in to labour naturally and I achieved that.
As I sit here and look at this beautiful little human being that we created, I couldn’t imagine life without him in it and everything was worth it to get him here. There are truly no words for how you will feel when you see them for the first time and the strength you will feel after what your body has just achieved to get them here, no matter how they arrive.
I wish you all the best on your birthing journey and no matter what, you are amazing! xoxo
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