Now that I am a mum of two, I find a lot of friends who are planning to have a baby or who are pregnant asking me what motherhood is truly like. I did the same before I had Finn because you definitely want to prepare as much as possible but the truth is nothing compares you for motherhood and every journey is unique. However, I have compiled a list of humorous (and some serious) things that I have found out since becoming a mum that no-one really warns you about. I hope you enjoy x
1.Your baby owns you.
Maybe I forgot about this the first time around, but now with my second baby I have realised just how much I am under the thumb of this tiny being. Today for instance, he just did not want to sleep. He wasn’t upset or anything but he just wanted to be held and talk to me. As much as I adore our cuddles, four hours of trying to get a baby to sleep isn’t fun for anyone and as soon as I put him down he would drift off for about five minutes and then wake up yelling at me because he was mad I had let him fall asleep. I, of course, picked him up and cuddled him, shushed him, rocked him more until eventually he managed to stay in there for more than 10 minutes. That is when I rushed around the house cleaning what I could before I was beckoned to his call again. Word of advice to my mamas out there, just give in. It makes it less stressful for you in those first few weeks/months to listen and focus on your baby instead of trying to get 100 things done at once. Sometimes I just have to sit still on the couch as I cuddle him to sleep and it forces me to relax for half an hour because he needs me. Once you get them in to a routine things will get easier but in the beginning, they will be the boss!
2. Your heart will explode
It might seem obvious that you will love your child, but nothing can prepare you for how overwhelming it is. Four years ago when I saw Finn for the first time, I couldn’t believe how instantly I fell in love and felt so overprotective of my little human and now I get to do it all again. When Leo smiles at me, my whole body is instantly filled with emotion and I literally go all gooey and start talking in my baby voice. When he starts cooing and making sounds I get totally captivated by him and can’t look away. It’s a different love for a baby and a preschooler as well because a baby is terribly cute whereas preschooler age really tests you. You’re love isn’t divided when you have more children, it just multiplies but because they are at different stages, you love them in different ways. Even though Finn is at an age where he can really frustrate me, there are always moments where he just says something so freaking beautiful that my heart just explodes and I am reminded just how much I love this kid. I love both my boys so incredibly much and it is truly indescribable.
3. Everything you said you wouldn’t do, you will do.
“When I have kids, they will never watch television or have any sugar. I also won’t yell at my kids or smack them. I’ll be super controlled and discipline them with grace” . Yeah, pretty sure I said that and guess what? Finn has watched TV and he has had sugar. Countless times. I have also yelled at him when stressed and even given him a smack on the bum when he hasn’t listened after me asking five times (yeah I’m human). Truth is, we don’t actually understand how hard it is until we are in it. I remember messaging one of my best friends when I first had Finn, who had her daughter a young age. I told her how sorry I was for not being there for her like I should have because now I understood just how hard it was. I am still quite strict on Finn’s screen time and he doesn’t have a lot of it but when I am stressed, tired or not feeling well, ABC becomes my best friend and sometimes I just need some god damn peace and quiet from the “mum, can I have this” “mum, can you play with me” “mum, mum, mum, muuuuuuuuuuuum”. We are human, and we do what we have to sometimes to get through the day. I am not perfect and nor is anyone else. I am learning and if that means Finn gets to have an ice-cream or a chocolate every now and then, so be it.
4. You won’t always like your children
I think there’s this misconception that we will always like our kids. You will always love them guaranteed but there will be times when you just don’t like them, and they just don’t like you. I have had moments with Finn where I am arguing with him (and yes an adult arguing with a 4 year old is a bit ridiculous) and I just think, I am not doing this today! I have had moments where he talks back or doesn’t listen and I reach boiling point and I just don’t want to deal with him. Maybe it’s the age, maybe it’s the way I handle it. Overall, he’s a pretty good kid but expect some days to be tougher than others and on those days it’s OK to admit that you just don’t like them today and you just need a break.
5. You will learn things about yourself you never knew
Like your ability to put up with being pooed on and vomited on EVERY SINGLE DAY until you get to the point where you just handle it like a pro. Leo is a real spewer so I just prepare for it daily. My hair is always up because if not, it will get vomit in it. I am used to smelling like it and going through at least three tops every day. You’ll realise how selfless you can be when you go shopping and come out with stuff for the kids and nothing for yourself. You’ll be amazed at how your body can persevere through the day on four hours of broken sleep. You will come up with new ninja moves to keep both your kids in one place whilst you go on any outing. You will gain major strength in one arm from holding and rocking your baby countless times. You will learn all the songs to all the latest Disney movies and sing them at inappropriate times and you will find new places to hide in the house whilst you eat your favourite treat. Oh, and you will also tell you kids a heap of white lies when caught out like “oh, this is spicy chocolate”.
6.Privacy is virtually non-existent
The other day I really needed to poop and I actually considered holding Leo while I did it because at that very moment he was cracking it. However, I just set him up at the door so he could see me, and although he wasn’t happy I was able to do my business with my hands free. Going to the toilet in peace really becomes non-existent once you have children (although men somehow still do it, surprisingly??). Also, I am quite often interrupted in the shower with Finn’s latest ideas that he simply can’t wait to tell me, and then he will get distracted and ask why I don’t have a “doodle” like he does. Then there’s just wanting five minutes to sit at the computer and send an email or pay a bill with literally two kids at my feet. Yeah, privacy is pretty lacking when you become a parent.
7. Mum guilt is a very real thing
I am sure there’s dad guilt too but mum guilt is usually an everyday thing that shows up. It’s a little niggle in the back of your mind that questions everything you do and whether you are doing right by your children. Other people will tell you your doing an amazing job but mum guilt will tell you otherwise. Your kids will be happy and laughing, telling you they love you but mum guilt will find something wrong with what you’re doing. You’ll feel guilty about absolutely every decision you make like whether you’re spending enough time with your kids because you decided to meet up with friends (for like the first time in six months, so yes you need it!), whether they are getting enough nutrients, how much TV they’re watching and so on. It will get better in ways but it will never go away. Just remember, a happy mama means a happy baby so take care of yourself as well. You are just as important <3
8. You will be judged for everything you do, so just ignore it and do what’s best for you.
There’s a lot of judgement and competition surrounding parenting styles and really it should just stop. Becoming a mum, I have learnt to take most advice in one ear and out the other. Some of it is really helpful, but most of it just doesn’t work for me so I had to do what was best for us and that is truly the best advice I can give anyone else. People will tell you your wrong, that you could be should be doing this instead of that. You’ll be judged whether you breastfeed or bottle-feed, co-sleep or sleep apart, discipline or don’t discipline, feed your kids organic produce or let them eat an ice-cream once in a while. What it comes down too is that we all want the best for our kids. If you do find yourself being judgemental then keep it to yourselves because you never know what another person is going through, and how your words can affect them. And for those who feel they are being judged, don’t pay attention (because it will always be there). Look at your baby, see that they are happy and healthy and know you got this! Trust your own mama instinct to do what’s right for YOU!
9. Your relationship will be tested on so many levels
I have always said that having kids can make you or break you. I know that sounds negative, but nothing quite tests your relationship like having kids and you have to work much harder on your relationship to ensure that you don’t forget each others needs. Here are some honest points that will happen when you have a new baby. Sex will be scarce, especially the first few months. With a combination of sleep-deprivation (and looking like a zombie), feeding and learning all there is about being a new parent, being intimate is the last thing on your mind. There will also be endless disagreements on parenting styles. Someone may be the tough parent while the other is easy-going. You may also forget to even acknowledge your partner because you are so focused on your kids, and that may make him feel inadequate. However, if you can work as a team you will get through it and communication is key. You will get to share in enjoyment when your kids do amazing things. You will tell each other and send each other endless photos of the kids when the other is away. You will high-five when you get something right because you know that shit is hard. BUT, you do need to focus on each other as well as the kids to make it work. Make a night that is just for you once the kids are in bed. Play a game of scrabble, eat chocolate and drink wine, go out for dinner if you can handle leaving bub with someone (this was never me!) and have sex when you can! Make sure you do it, because your relationship is just as important as everything else and your kids want to see you both happy. If you do have disagreements, try and come to a compromise and keep it away from the children. I grew up watching parents fight a lot and I never want that for my kids. Don’t go to bed angry and remember, you love them for a reason (or many).
10.It will be the best (and most challenging) job you will ever do.
I have worked since I was 16 years old and in many very strenuous, stressful jobs, especially as a journalist. But let me say, working full-time is not as hard as staying home with kids. I always salute stay-at-home mamas because it is one hell of a gig, but it’s also a very rewarding one. It will test you in ways I cannot begin to explain. You will have meltdowns, they will have meltdowns. You will make mistakes, heaps of them. But, you will learn from them every time. You will often feel like you’re failing (again, mum guilt) but when you look in to their sparkly innocent eyes and see their smiles and pure happiness, you will know you have done something right. You will question yourself on many levels but in the end you will do what is best for you and your family. Every age will have its challenges and its triumphs but it will flash before your eyes so slow down and enjoy it as much as you can. There is nothing better, than watching this little person (or people) you and your partner created grow up to be someone wonderful. One toothy grin, one “I love you mama”, one sloppy kiss, one show of kindness and all the stress will be forgotten. And as hard as it can be, at some stage you will forget and be crazy enough to go back for more 😉
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Susan Trani says
Yes, I can totally relate to all of this! There seems to be so much about becoming a mum that our friends and family just sugarcoat, but it is all worth it in the end.
sarah.lamont@hotmail.com says
That’s right! There’s no harm in being honest and just saying how it is. It’s tough but definitely worth it! x